There Is No Try

Do you ever get that feeling where you just need to do something. Need to create or destroy. Raze and salt the earth just to do something. Or, you know, get a tattoo or finally start that book you’ve been meaning to write since you were six if we’re being a bit more realistic and a bit less melodramatic.

Some days I’m overwhelmed by the sameness of my day-to-day life. I feel the crushing weight of all the things I haven’t done; of watching others live their lives and try for their dreams while I’m too scared to even really think about it. Other days, days like today, I can feel the need for change, the need to do sitting like a physical thing right in the center of my chest.  And it’s not a bad weight, it’s not weighing me down or holding me back. Everything feels possible those days. Change and opportunity don’t seem scary, they just seem part of life. Something anyone could do. Something I could do.

On days like this I wonder if this is what “normal” feels like. If this is what not being weighed down by anxiety, and depression, and financial burdens feels like. Is this is how all you people feel all the time? Good hell.

Usually nothing much comes of these days. Maybe a blog post. If the weight’s still there after work, I’ll even pick up my camera. Sometimes the feeling lasts an hour. Sometimes an entire day. But eventually it dissipates until the hope and promise of possibility is no longer a weight, but a phantom ache of something that was once there.

5 thoughts on “There Is No Try

  1. I think “normal” is more about all of what you feel than just the part you think is normal. I feel all those same feelings all in one day some days. Some days I go for days feeling good, some days I go for days feeling stuck. I think the “grass is always greener” syndrome is prevalent in our society. And it weighs each of us down way too much.

  2. I think the days of my life could be broken down like this: 50% of the time I’m on autopilot, just getting through the day. The other 50% wavers between inspired productivity and a crushing feeling of “What the hell am I even doing with my life?” So yeah, pretty normal. Or maybe we’re all just the teeniest bit f’d up! I’m going with normal.

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