Well, it’s the end of the month and while I managed to post every day for NaBloPoMo (except for that one time, but shh that doesn’t count) I have failed spectacularly at NaNoWriMo. And that’s taking into account the fact that I wasn’t setting out to write a 30,000 word novel. I had a 7,000 short story goal. I thought maybe signing up for NaNo would help motivate me. Turns out, not so much.
I’ve sat in front of my computer staring at a blank screen, willing my brain to come up with something, anything. I got approximately 500 words that were like pulling blood from a stone. I listened to the music that inspired the story. I turned off the internet and tv; I read old things I’d written to remind my brain that we could do this. Nothing worked.
It was a chore to find things to post here everyday. And while I’m certainly glad I did it, I’m not sure I posted anything worthwhile. I was trying so hard to find things write about, to find a way to get my brain to focus and just work that none of it really feels like me.
It’s one of the things I hate the most about depression; it takes away the things I love to do the most.