Well, it’s the end of the month and while I managed to post every day for NaBloPoMo (except for that one time, but shh that doesn’t count) I have failed spectacularly at NaNoWriMo. And that’s taking into account the fact that I wasn’t setting out to write a 30,000 word novel. I had a 7,000 short story goal. I thought maybe signing up for NaNo would help motivate me. Turns out, not so much.

I’ve sat in front of my computer staring at a blank screen, willing my brain to come up with something, anything. I got approximately 500 words that were like pulling blood from a stone. I listened to the music that inspired the story. I turned off the internet and tv; I read old things I’d written to remind my brain that we could do this. Nothing worked.

It was a chore to find things to post here everyday. And while I’m certainly glad I did it, I’m not sure I posted anything worthwhile. I was trying so hard to find things write about, to find a way to get my brain to focus and just work that none of it really feels like me.

It’s one of the things I hate the most about depression; it takes away the things I love to do the most.


2 thoughts on “NaNoFailMo

  1. poohzcrew says:

    My craft room is littered with unfinished projects from my last bout of depression. I’d get an idea, go buy the stuff, and then couldn’t force myself to do something I love. So hard. It’s not just writers who get blocked, love. You know the meds will kick in eventually. Hang in there.

  2. Sorry in advance for the long comment:

    I was going to say a couple posts back about writers block: sometimes I start typing words from a book that I really like or even just stream of consciousness because sometimes it will kickstart your brain and remind me of a story that you had forgotten about. Maybe try that? But yeah, writers block sucks. Which is why lots of awesome writers are alcoholics, etc.

    And about my comment yesterday-I wanted it to come across as like a fuck yeah you’re badass! But maybe because you can’t hear me in person it maybe sounded harsher? If so, I’m sorry. I get taken seriously by accident all the time.

    But I read this article about running once and this guy was talking about that he hated when people said “oh, I’m not a real runner” and he’s like whatever, if you run (even if it’s only twice a year) you’re still a runner. It’s not like you have to win an olympic medal to qualify for that title. I think it’s just easier to be like “oh I’m not a real writer” because then it leaves you less open to criticism because someone can’t take it away from you whereas they can if you say “I’m a writer.” But you are a writer, and if someone tried to say you weren’t “a real writer” then they are obviously an asshole douchefuck that doesn’t deserve your time and they suck.

    I feel the same way sometimes (about not being a “real” writer) and am trying to fight that feeling because I’m already such a harsh critic of myself and I’m ovah it. The depression alligators suck and I want them to leave me alone.

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