So, the whole 90 day thing? I started that 365 days ago. A full year ago. Craziness. I should probably be celebrating, right? But here’s the thing, I’ve missed days. More than just a couple. So, instead of celebrating I just feel like a failure. I feel like I’ve let anyone who ever encouraged me down. And that leaves me feeling less than celebratory.
During the first 90 I missed two days because I got The Sickness. These more recent days I missed because…well, because depression fucking sucks and when you’re in the middle of it sometimes just getting out of bed each morning is an accomplishment all its own. And I don’t have an excuse other than these last couple of months I have been in the middle of it. Add into that that if I had taken before and after shots? They probably wouldn’t look too different. My weight is the same-ish. There were a lot of bare minimum days. And while I didn’t go into this with the sole purpose of losing hundreds of pounds of weight, I’m a girl with body issues so in the back of my mind I definitely did want that dramatic comparison. I wanted to be my own mini biggest loser. I wanted a jaw-dropping reaction.
But, rather than focusing on everything I didn’t do I’m going to try something new and focus on what I did accomplish (insanity, I know).
I did workout every single day for over three hundred days. Including all major holidays and when I was on vacation.
I did start, unknowingly, my own little mini-cult of women on twitter who saw me tweeting my progress and joined in on day 91. And let me tell you, having people throw words like ‘inspirational’ and ‘motivating’ and ‘leader’ and ‘we’re almost done with new manifesto’ at you is a hell of a way to keep you accountable.
I did, after years of inactivity, make a lifestyle change and become more active. It’s part of my every day, now.
I’m not sure what comes next. Another year? Maybe just another 90? Part of me wants to just take tomorrow the hell off, but I think I’d just end up feeling worse. So, maybe now I just workout because I feel better when I do, because it’s healthy. Not because I’ve arbitrarily assigned myself this task. Now maybe I do it because I want to.
A FUCKING YEAR, YOU GUYS!