I Think Mufasa Just Called My Bluff, Or Why I Need To Find Me A Man Or Maybe Just A Cat

Who’s in charge of the animal kingdom? I mean, you’ve got any number of deities to choose from for your people problems. And there’s Mother Nature, but that’s more weather related, yes? So, I believe that leaves Mufasa in charge of the animals.  And it appears that Mufasa is calling my bluff. The one where I said I was cool with mice in the Apartminium? And the thing is, I meant it. Giant, super fast, easy to miss despite their giantness creepy crawlers? I’d really rather not. A mouse? A mouse I can see. A mouse I can track. A mouse is fun! Like GusGus! Or like on Mad About You when Murray would run back and forth across the apartment chasing the mouse in the wall! So cute! So fun!

Except, then it’s 3am and I’m almost asleep, omg so close to being asleep you guys, and there’s a skitter. And then a skitterskitterscritch. And it’s coming from above my head. Oh, it’s just the wind, I tell myself. Just the wind making a very interesting tiny claws against metal type sound. Oh wind, you so crazy. But the skitterskitterscritch continues, back and forth along the air duct until IT’S DOWN IN THE WALL RIGHT BY MY HEAD. And that’s not wind. That’s a furry body attached to tiny little claws IN MY WALLS. And  suddenly this little mouse, this GusGus has held me hostage in my own bed. And I’m lying there on my back, not moving, eyes wide open, trying to keep my breathing under control wondering when the mouse is going to burst through my walls and, oh I don’t know, devour me whole. I’m going to be known as the girl who gotten eaten by a mouse. And it’ll be days before anyone realizes I’m gone and oh god, someone do a ctrl alt delete on my entire computer and while you’re at it the shower could really stand to be scrubbed down. And my parents. Oh man my parents. They’re going to lose their little girl to a giant, hulking zombie mouse and how do you explain that to people?

Right around the time I start wondering how zombie mouse would translate in Farsi and who would play me in the SyFy movie and please god someone make sure Nathan Fillion has a role in there too, I realize the skitterskitterscritch is gone.

It was a good hour before I dared move and another two before I finally fell asleep.

So, touche Mufasa.

Also, I probably shouldn’t be allowed to live alone.

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4 thoughts on “I Think Mufasa Just Called My Bluff, Or Why I Need To Find Me A Man Or Maybe Just A Cat

  1. Brie says:

    OMG lady! You kill me with humor. See, another reason why I have a cat…I’ve never had a rodent problem. Though, since you’ve never met my cat, let me tell you how this would go if she ever found one. Her: *look left, look right* Mouse: *run* Her: *think about running* Mouse: *runs more* Her: maybe I should have a nap….*grooms self….runs after mouse* Mouse: *hides* Her: yes, I should definitely groom myself and then go look at that shiny thing across the room.

    If you ever got eaten by a giant gus gus I’d totes do a wipe on your computer. That is, if you really did live in my pocket and it was easier to access your things.

  2. Aaron says:

    FUNNY!!

    A man is great but a cat will kill a mouse without tearing up the wall and it will never leave the toilet seat up.

  3. What Aaron said.

    Or there’s my guest bedroom, no mice in there.

    Just Addie, which to be honest on some days I’d take a mouse in my walls over Addie.

    Google said this is mouse in Farsi. (ج‌.ش‌.) موش‌ خانگى‌، موش‌ گر�?تن‌، جستجو کردن‌

    You may want to double check that though.

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