This recap is woefully late. Which, you know, you’ll have. Remember how I was all, “I’m going to do a weekly recap and that’s totally make me want to write about stuff actually happening in my life and such and lo, it will be wondrous!“? So six weeks later that’s worked out pretty well. Now, before you roll your eyes at me (and I couldn’t even type that without rolling my eyes) let me at least say that I do have two different posts in the works. One of which is acting like a little bitch. I’ve been wrestling with it for weeks so I finally just had to give it the stink eye and take a step back muttering, “Just you wait…” under my breath. And the other post, well every time I try and sit down to write the kid at Yats breaks out his trumpet, or the dog next door starts barking, or the asshats with their crotch rockets decided to rev on by, or an ambulance/fire truck takes it’s sweet ass time passing my building with its siren on, or my downstairs neighbor is watching an action movie at top level and my floor shakes every time something blows up (a lot) which all leads to me yelling, “I’M TRYING TO ART OVER HERE, GUYS!” All of which, I’m fairly certain, if you put it all together spells procrastination.
Guess who finally decided to show up? The plot. Hey there little guy; so nice of you to finally join us. What’s that? Oh no, it hasn’t been terribly boring over here for the last 5 episodes at all. Okay, that’s not fair. It’s not so much been boring, as…well, slow. Meandering. Round-about fun? But this episode? This episode, things finally got good. Not only did Elana finally clue-in to the fact that Stefan’s a vampire, but we also, again finally, got the Katherine backstory (which, well done there because I did NOT see that coming) and we got Old!Stefan, which technically would actually be Young!Stefan and Young!Damon, which essentially amounts to bad hair and suspenders.
So, the confrontation: Stefan’s rushing out with the Wooden Stake of Great Justice to stop Damon and Elana’s on his front door determined to find out the truth. They have a conversation that might be a wee bit familiar to some of you* and we learn that vampires really like it when you say their name, bitch that they’re vampires. Insistent on it, even. We also learn that Elana has appropriate reactions and is scared shitless, whereas Bella was all, “Vampires are hot! Can we do it now?”. Also, protip for Stefan, magically appearing in front her/in her room? Probably not going to make her less freaked out. Just saying.
Elana agrees to meet with Stefan and they have the classic Dispel all Vampire Myths conversation. Garlic? No biggie. Holy water? Drinkable. Crucifix? Pretties. No reflection? Dude, have you seen me? I’m too pretty not to have a reflection. Stefan also mentions something about “mind compulsion” which, dude, the correct terminology is dazzmourizing. You’re welcome. He begs Elana not to tell anyone about him and to give him until the end of the day to prove he’s totes lovable. Whatever, like we all don’t know they’ll be back together within two episodes, three max.
So, with the flashbacks we learn that Young!Stefan and Young!Damon used to be best friends. Katherine was kinda a ho. Also, a vampire. She turned both brothers, dazzmourizing them into not telling the other. When she chose Young!Stefan over Young!Damon a grudge was born. Thanks lady.
Drug Face is dead! Yay! Wait, she’s not dead? Boo. But at least Damon’s got his shirt unbuttoned. And we’ve got a dancing montage, which are, let’s face it, always fun. *NECKSNAP DEATHBREAK* SHE’S DEAD! Ain’t no way she survived that! Holy fuck, she’s not dead? You have GOT to be kidding me. I 110% guarantee that I am not going to like this chick anymore as a vampire than I did when she was human. Fuck.
So the big deal with the watch was the it turns into a compass that points due Vampire? Seriously? No north, just VAMPIRE? Oh, that is- that is just- DUE VAMPIRE?
I don’t have anymore words about that.
For about .10 seconds I actually believed Stefan was going to die. And then I came to my senses and was all, whatever like you’d really do it. So, Sookeh! will be along any moment to suck out the bullet, yes?**
So, in the end Elana agrees to keep Stefan’s secret but she can’t be with him because HE’S A MONSTER. That voice you heard was Edward Cullen going, “SEE, Bella! SEE! I told you! I so told I was monster! Skin of a KILLLLLLERRRRRR!”***
*Look, I was actually aiming not to have a Twilight reference in this recap, but I can’t NOT compare those two scenes. Seriously, the only difference is one conversation happens on a porch and the other in the woods.
**I mean at this point there’s no reason NOT to bring in True Blood.
***I have zero shame about this one.