Here Lies…Well Not a Viking, That’s For Damn Sure

ORLY Alan Ball? You’re going to give me 3.5 seconds of Viking Vampire during the finale and not have a new episode for 10 MONTHS? You are officially on notice.

However, praise be to Xenu, we did wrap up the Maryann storyline. Look, I love Michelle Forbes. She’s a fantastic actress. She elicits from me every emotion she wants me to feel in every character she plays. I totally buy everything she doles out. Case in point: I hated her (HATED. HER.) in Battlestar Galactica. And she played Maryann wonderfully. She had some perfectly delivered lines: “That’s hitting me. You’re not committing to this at all.” But I sort of felt she was running around shouting “Iz in ur vampyre show, draggin out ur storylinez!” for the past few episodes. This might also be due to the fact that in the books she’s there for approximately 2 pages.

So Maryann finally gets her wedding-ish. Bitch may be crazy, but she can pull together a flower arrangement like nobody’s business. And Lafayette gently stroking his toga tassels in the background of those scenes made my day. Before she left us Maryann made the baby eels cry again, which is a lot like making the baby Jesus cry, only different. She also sees a white bull and is all, “My husband!” Silly me, I was sort of expecting the God That Comes to show himself as a human. (Yes, I knew it was Sam, I’m just saying if The God That Comes had, you know, come I was thinking human, not animal.) However, I’m not one to judge. About this. I’m not one to judge about this. Just the other day I was telling Sarah that having been single since the beginning of time that I would throw myself at a friendly kola bear right about now, so if a bull is what does it for her, well okay then.

True Blood actors you have got to stop dating your co-stars. I could deal when it was just Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer (also, Mazel Tov on the engagement), but Alexander Skarsgård dating Evan Rachel Wood? I’m starting to feel icky every time I watch someone get it on when I know they’re dating in real life and they do those things at home too do you think they bring the fangs home to role play? and omg I’m pretty sure we shouldn’t be watching this you guys, I’ll just be out here in the hall cough when you’re done!

I also sort of felt like all of the conversations about Sookeh! not being human were just a wee bit clumsy and heavy handed. SOOKEH! IS DIFFERENT! SHE IS NOT HUMAN! DID WE MENTION SHE’S NOT LIKE YOU AND ME?! SHE IS MORE THAN HUMAN! FORESHADOWING GOES…HERE! Also, um we’ve got like 6 more books before we’re supposed to find out about this….

I’m not even going to talk about Hoyt and Jessica until they are back together. You hear me Alan Ball? BACK TOGETHER!

RIP Eggs, the world never knew such lovely abs. Also, there is no chance of Tara ever being normal now. Well done Jason.

I’m not sure how I feel about the proposal. Besides a weird life imitating the tv show you’re on thing, in the books marriage is not even an option and I kind of liked that. Alan Ball tells EW that Hoyt’s mama is the one who took Bill, but I’m not inclined to believe him.

Bill, bless is poorly styled hair, pulled through for me twice!

“You must cahm with me”

quickly followed up with:

“Ah’m not sure Ah’m givin’ you ah choice”

Runners up, honorable mentions and participation ribbons:

Jason: “I love the smell of nail polish in the morning” All together now! Jason Stackhouse you stupid, sexy motherfucker.

Lafayette: “Worship him bitches!”

Bud: “You might have your faults Andy, but at least you got pants on.” Wise words, indeed.

Random Town Member We’ll Never See Again: “I would wear him like scrunchie!”

Also, True Blood Hair Department if you don’t stop combing Stephen Moyer’s hair into a pseudo bowl cut next season I’m coming to Hollywood to deal with you personally. It’s called hairspray. Learn it. Love it. Use it.

Also also, I’ve been kicking around the idea of recapping Vampire Diaries (don’t even pretend like you’re shocked that I watch that). Or Supernatural (hot boys are hot, yo). I don’t want to pigeon hole myself into becoming Vampire Girl! Although, I feel like that would be a pretty kick ass superhero. And I don’t want this blog to just be about tv shows (although, it’s my blog and I’ll damn well do with it what I please, thankyouverymuch. And I kind of enjoy the idea of just organically letting the blog shape itself rather than me shaping it. i.e. saying I will write about A and B, but not C rather than just writing (for the love of god, writing!) and coming back in 6 months and going, Huh. I wrote about A and B and D and Z and L and it all kind of works. And no I don’t know what is up with all the parentheses tonight) but I enjoy having a built in topic each week (and snarking on stuff comes pretty easy to me. I’ve had years of practice. heh) that sort of forces, in the best way possible, me to write. Which in turn leads me to want to write about other stuff that doesn’t have to do with vampires or tv. Parenthetical aside: speaking of vampires, y’all saw the New Moon trailer, yes? /Parenthetical aside. So, what say you?


7 thoughts on “Here Lies…Well Not a Viking, That’s For Damn Sure

  1. Never seen Vampire Diaries…or that new one…True Blood.

    I have this thing about not watching shows that will make me sleep completely buried under the covers – even if it’s like a million degrees and I’m sweating like a pig.

    • justshireen says:


      Well, I’m a vampire fan from way back, so I tend…wait for it…sink my teeth into anything new that comes along. (I’ll be here all week, folks.)

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