I don’t like birthdays. Like, at all. They remind me of all the things I thought I’d have accomplished, or seen, or done, or gone. I don’t care if I was eleven and had no concept of money, or rent, or MONEY when I decided that traveling through Europe camera first was the best idea, like, ever. It was a good idea, damn it. I also have the little habit of getting my hopes up too high, day dreaming of all the things that could happen and if you’re anything like me day dreaming of presents and surprises does nothing but build up your hopes to be thoroughly smashed by reality when your birthday rolls around and you don’t get the warm weather penguin who learned sign language (flipper language?) named Juan you conjured up one night high on Ambien, but instead just get a boring old sweater and all it does is compliment your eyes. And then you’re the jerk who’s all ungrateful because nobody read your mind and Juan is going to someone else and you try and be happy for Juan and his new person who isn’t you, but you just feel like the world’s biggest asshole for even thinking that you might get Juan and if you’d never thought of Juan you’d be super grateful for what is right in front of your face instead of being the selfish, spoiled, Juanless brat that you are. Shame spirals are fun like that.
I turn 30 tomorrow.
Someone fetch me my fainting chair.
Given how thoroughly I’ve disliked past birthdays, I figured this milestone was bound to be terrible. THIRTY YOU GUYS. Do you know how many things Tiny Shireen thought Thirty Shireen would have done by now? SO MANY THINGS. *looks at pile of things unaccomplished* *weeps*
And then there’s Casey. See, she loves birthdays more than anyone I’ve ever met. Every fiber of her being vibrates with the need to celebrate. Somehow all of the what ifs, should haves, etc don’t follow her around. WEIRD, RIGHT? If I have a giant thunder cloud above my head when it comes to birthdays and holidays, she has dancing unicorns in party hats throwing heart shaped confetti. How she puts up with my crotchety self, I’ll never know. But I’m so grateful she does.
And so I complained a little about how I wanted my friends to do something, but I felt bad for the wanting especially when I hadn’t managed to pull anything together for her 30th even though I really REALLY wanted to, and I knew I should just suck it up and plan my own thing (like she did) but that requires effort and planning and it’s slightly awkward and can’t I just starfish here on my bed and everybody else do all the hard work for me? *whinewhinewhine*
So, Saturday she picked me up and honest to god I was just happy to for our faces to share face space because she up and left me for an entire week WITH NO WIFI right after this happened and I was still feeling a little clingy. She showed up with a case of Diet Coke and an Alice and Wonderland poster and told me we were going to Seasons 52, despite my no really we can just go sit on your couch and stare at each other, it’s fine I swear. Somewhere in the back of my head Juan acquired the skill to tap dance, but I really meant it about the face staring and the sitting. Swearsies.
We pulled into valet (fancy!) and I got out and the jerk bum rushed me with a fuzzy pink blindfold, shoved something on my head, and pushed me back into the car.
ME: Soooooooooo, we’re not going to dinner, then?
CASEY: Maaaaaaybe *gigglegiggle*
At one point she also set me up with headphones blasting Mumford and you can TO blast banjo music shut up. It occasionally would cut out so there was a lot of one sided, “It’s gone.” “OOOOH, IT’S BACK.” “Ooops, gone again.” “AND WE’RE BACK!”
Eventually, we stopped (and ohthankgod I was ten seconds from throwing up woo carsickness!) and this happened.
The first person I saw was my godson and then I realized that all of my favorite people were in the same place at the same time. Internet friends, childhood friends, they were all in the same place for the first time it was a little weird and lot wonderful to have my worlds collide. Sparkles even showed up.
Having my family, old friends, and new friends all together, working together to do this incredibly wonderful thing is more fabulous than I can possibly say. I feel blessed and grateful and somewhere in my rain cloud a unicorn just stuck his head out.
Also, I wouldn’t hate it if y’all left a little message here. A comment cake, if you will. (I’m totally stealing this from Casey. I am without shame about it, too.) New readers, old readers, tell me something good. Had a really good burrito or found a really great deal on a pair of jeans? I want to hear. It’ll make my way into 30 that much more fantastic.